A Family’s Reflections

Saturday, September 01, 2007

The “Out of the Darkness” walk is just 23 days away. I am working so hard to put it together. It fall just one week before the 2nd Anniversary of Ryans death. A friend asked why I took on such a large job. I did it to remember all of the special people like Ryan who suffered so and died by suicide. Please if you can sign up to walk and show up to show support to these special families.

Thursday, February 01, 2007

To be quite honest it is so painful to write here. It starts a huge spiral of thoughts in my head and then the “what ifs” and “if only I hads” take over. I know that I owe so many of you out there so much and in time I will do better. For me this 2nd year is harder. Perhaps it has really sunk in…. I think the first year I was in such a fog. But little by little I will do better. I must as I know Ryan would want me to go forward and live a good life. So for him my efforts will be to get some other photos on the website and get some more “Life of Ryan” on the world wide web. Those of you who knew him well knows he loved to talk about himself!!

Saturday, June 24, 2006

These days were very painful for both Bob and myself. We did not have the slamming front door and his long legs taking the stairs two at a time to bring us a “funny” card. Ryan loved crazy funny cards. We kept them all. I pulled mine from last year out and it broke my heart. I know Bob felt the same way. We had breakfast with Farren and her kids and she was so sweet. Her children are beautiful, smart and there is just a cute “funny side” that reminds me of Ryan. No one loved a joke or a prank more than Ryan. I miss him more than words can say.

Sunday, April 23, 2006

Today I went shopping with daughter Farren and my grandchildren Riley and Jillian. We bought a treat at “Toys R Us” and stopped by the cemetery to visit. The kids were quite and I know they don’t understand but they are polite. We stopped for dinner at Cheddars and ate out on the patio. The evening was cool with a nice breeze. We had a visitor while we waited for our food. A golden colored butterfly getntly bushed Farren’s face and Riley’s face. It then landed on the arm of Rileys chair and visited him. Although we all got very close the butterfly just sat there flapping his wings up and down as if to say hello. After a time he flew away. We found it so odd that he was no afraid of us. He just was there for a visit unafraid. I once read that butterflys were sent by those who have died to let us know that they were OK. I think Riley had a visit from his Uncle Rhino today.

Saturday, March 11, 2006

Today I saw a boy with sandy blonde hair and grey blue eyes. He was shy in his baseball hat with slightly high water jeans over his tennis shoes. His motocross tee shirt was one size too small a sign that his Mom was not aware how fast he was growing. He stood close to his mom, still a baby boy but learning to be more on his own. His mother said NO to his request and you could see he was more hurt than mad. He passed more time and played a game on her cell phone to amuse himself and waited patiently for her to finish her task. He was just happy to be with her and she appreciated his company. Today, I was given a gift of a picture in my mind of Ryan at nine years old. A reminder of of happy times with my boy, Ryan.

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Ryan’s funny granmother died March 6th of last year. I miss her. She loved Ryan so much. She had raised three girls so having a boy around was a new experience for her. She was so tiny and Ryan was so tall. For some of you who didn’t see Ryan much after he was grown he was 6′ 4 1/2″. He was tall like Bob. Mimi often joked around with him and they always got into their little verbal barbs and funny prattle. She loved him so and I know that she was in heaven to meet him and take care of him. She was a good grandmother and he loved her.

Sunday, March 05, 2006

I have copied the video of Meadow Brook…its awesome…I would like to share copies to those of you who want it. As the camera panned I found myself wanting to jump inside the picture to be near Ryan. He was so very young in the photos. Marty, Chris, Carl and so many guys he cared so much about. Let me kow if you want one and I will mail it off. Just email me at [email protected].

Saturday, February 25, 2006

We have many friends who are just finding out. You know the ones you talk to a couple of times a year and catch up with the family news? We have had one of those weeks. Bob spent time with Mickey Foster and his kind thoughts were much appreciated. I have been in touch with Clive Gosling and he was so shocked he needed time to think and get back to me. Many of our customers old and new still do not know what to say but we understand how awkward they feel. Many of you do not know what to say or just can’t bring yourself to contact us. We understand. We know you care. Just a quiet word and knowing you wish us well is so comforting to us. To all of you Thanks for your support. If you are afraid of upsetting us don’t worry. Talking of Ryan is a blessing and brings to us great and fond memories. Funny when someone leaves you only the wonderful funfilled thoughts remain. I cherish them and remember my sweet boy.